Get over getting older

We have to value ourselves not for what we look like or the things we possess but for the women we are.

~Maya Angelou

Most of the time I like being the age I am, but this aging stuff is complex. Inside I still feel like I’m in my 30s, but then I realize my children are over 40. I recently caught a glimpse of my hands and became aware of the fact that they look like my mother’s. Sometimes when I pass a mirror I’m still surprised that I don’t see a younger woman anymore. I’m trying to make peace with the lines around my eyes and brackets around my mouth, justifying them with the fact that I laugh a lot. But saggy skin on my hands and arms — yikes.

Although easier said than done, there is no point in having angst about aging. I will get old. I might be fat or thin. Some days I will look radiant and others dragged-out and worn-down.

“Our concern with how we look as we age may be superficial, but it’s natural. We shouldn’t be ashamed of obsessing about it from time to time. After all, this is one aspect of the passage to the Age of Mastery that all of us face,” writes Gail Sheehy in New Passages. “It’s about finding a new version of attractiveness. It’s making the most of whatever external beauty we have, but also activating sources of internal value. Once we begin to accept and enjoy the roundedness and normal weight gain, the wrinkles and sags that come naturally with maturity, we become grounded. And being grounded, we can build on the two pillars that make the new older woman such good value; her complexity and her uniqueness.”

Like every other woman, I can’t stop or reverse the aging process no matter what I do or how well I take care of myself.  No matter how much I exercise, how many hours I sleep or how healthy I eat, I’m still aging. I don’t have a best-before date and no matter what the cosmetic companies claim, a jar of expensive face cream doesn’t contain the fountain of youth. I have made the decision that Botox and cosmetic surgery is not for me because I believe that the best face to put forward to the world is the one I was born with.

I like me. I have a happy life. I’ve finally figured out who and what I want to be when I grow up and there is still so much more that I want to do. And so be it that if, along with these gifts of life, the other “joyful” aspects of aging materialize — like chin hairs, sagging skin, a slipping memory, age spots and an ever-expanding waistline.

I’ll never really figure everything out, but there is a sense that as I get older I know more. After all, my life has given me lots of experiences, memories and even scars to draw upon. Hopefully, by now, I have the wisdom to reflect upon what I have experienced and have sorted out what is really important to me — things like staying productive and creative, learning new things, seeing new places, having fun, living authentically and passing along what I have learned to the generation that follows me.

There is a lot about aging that scares me. I won’t pretend otherwise. Yet, I know aging is not only about decline, but also about growth and possibility.

I do know that when I look my personal best I feel personally powerful. When I feel personally powerful I believe in myself and choose to embrace life no matter what challenging times and incredible opportunities await me.

So, instead of having a vanity crisis I’ve decided to embrace the journey into my next life cycle.

I choose to love who I am today. That is what will help me deal with whatever comes tomorrow.

Copyright: Helene Oseen 2017 

An excerpt from Wear Your Life Well: Lessons on the Journey to your Truest Self.