Elderly Stereotypes, Hollywood Stories, and Real Women's Lives

A few weeks ago, I called to book a dental appointment. The receptionist was perfectly polite, her voice chipper and friendly. “I have an opening next Wednesday at 4:30,” she said.

But then came the pause.

"Oh" she added, her tone shifting slightly. You’re *elderly*. I could change it to 3:30, if that’s better."

For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. Elderly? Me? And what, exactly, was she assuming? That I’d miss bingo? That I had a 5:00 dinner reservation at the senior center?

I politely declined the earlier time, but as I hung up the phone, I felt unsettled. It wasn’t just the word *elderly.* It was the implication behind it—that I was now someone who needed to be accommodated, who lived a slower, simpler life defined by early meals and quiet evenings.

I couldn’t shake the thought: Is this how the world sees me now?

It’s a jarring realization, one I suspect many of us face at some point. You go through life feeling like the same person you’ve always been—curious, engaged, vibrant—and then suddenly, you’re handed a label you didn’t ask for. Elderly.

How did this happen?

The Slow Fade of Visibility

The truth is, it creeps up on us. We don’t wake up one day and decide we’re *old.* The changes come gradually—a few more wrinkles, a slower recovery after a busy day, a body that doesn’t always cooperate the way it used to.

But while we adjust and adapt, the world seems to leap ahead with assumptions. Strangers offer unsolicited help. Younger people start speaking to us with that slightly patronizing tone, as if we’ve lost our sharpness. And the ultimate insult—being overlooked entirely.

It’s not just the changes in our bodies; it’s the way society uses those changes to define us. For women, especially, this feels like a cruel twist. We’ve spent decades navigating impossible standards of beauty, striving to prove our worth, and breaking barriers. And now, after all that, the world seems to dismiss us with a single word.

Elderly.

Reclaiming the Word - and Ourselves

But here’s the thing: *elderly* doesn’t have to mean invisible. It doesn’t have to mean irrelevant or frail. If anything, it should reflect the richness of a life well-lived—our wisdom, our resilience, our ability to adapt and grow.

This is why Kathy Bates in the new reboot of Matlock feels so powerful. Watching her take center stage as an older lawyer isn’t just entertaining; it’s affirming. She’s sharp, confident, and unapologetically herself—a reminder that age doesn’t diminish us.

Yes, the show is Hollywood, but Kathy Bates speaks for every woman who hasn’t always spoken up for herself. Her portrayal captures the essence of who we are—capable, vibrant, and still deeply engaged with the world. It’s a rallying cry that being labeled *elderly* doesn’t mean being sidelined.

Turning Assumptions Upside Down

The receptionist at my dentist’s office likely didn’t mean any harm. She probably thought she was being thoughtful. But her comment revealed a broader truth about how society views us.

What if we started turning those assumptions upside down?

What if, instead of shrinking under the label of *elderly,*we wore it proudly? What if we redefined it to mean wisdom, power, and presence?

Steps Toward Visibility

1. Push Back Against Stereotypes

Let’s challenge the assumptions people make about us. Whether it’s correcting someone’s patronizing tone or simply living boldly and authentically, we can show the world who we truly are.

2. Celebrate Our Bodies

Yes, they’re changing. But these bodies have carried us through decades of living, loving, and learning. They deserve our gratitude, not our criticism.

3. Speak Up Loud and Proud

Whether it’s advocating for ourselves in everyday interactions or sharing our stories with others, our voices matter. Let’s make sure they’re heard.

4. Find Inspiration (and Be IT)

Kathy Bates is a reminder of what’s possible. But let’s also find inspiration in each other—in the women who continue to live boldly, despite the world’s assumptions.

Redefining *Elderly*

Here’s the truth: the word *elderly* is just that—a word. It only holds the power we give it. So let’s reclaim it. Let’s make it a symbol of strength, wisdom, and vitality.

Because we’re not done yet. Not by a long shot.

The next time someone labels you as *elderly,* don’t let it sting. Instead, let it remind you of the incredible life you’ve lived—and the one you’re still living.

Let’s refuse to fade into the background.  We are not shadows. We are lights. And when we shine together, the world has no choice but to see us.

 Copyright: Helene Oseen 2024