Why Is It So Hard to Be Kind To Ourselves?

love your life Feb 12, 2025

It's a question I've been pondering. I'll be honest with you —I struggle with self-compassion, too.

The Truth About Self-Compassion (and how to change the narrative.)

You might think that because I help women embrace their confidence and personal power, I’ve mastered the art of self-love. But the truth is, I have those *mean girl* voices in my head just like you do. The ones that whisper, You should be doing more. You should be further along. You should have figured this out by now.

And I know I’m not alone.

For so many women, self-compassion feels like an uphill battle. We might easily extend kindness to a friend, reassuring her when she’s feeling down, but when it comes to ourselves? That inner critic takes center stage.

But here’s something I’ve learned: the key isn’t about silencing those voices forever—it’s about shifting our hearts toward a truer story.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

From an early age, we’re taught that our worth is tied to what we do rather than who we are. The unspoken messages are everywhere:

Be kind, but don’t be a pushover.
Work hard, but don’t be too ambitious.
Be confident, but not too confident.
Take care of yourself, but don’t seem selfish.

We absorb these ideas so deeply that they become our default setting, shaping how we see ourselves and the world. And when we inevitably fall short—because we’re human—the inner critic pounces.

But here’s where we get to take back the narrative.

Self-compassion begins when we give ourselves permission to be fully human—flaws and all. It’s about learning to tell a truer story about ourselves, one that isn’t based on perfection or proving our worth but on embracing who we really are.

Letting Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be

I’ve spent years unraveling the belief that I need to “earn” self-love. That if I could just check all the right boxes—be productive enough, successful enough, giving enough—then I’d finally feel worthy.

But here’s the truth: life becomes simpler when we stop chasing who we think we’re supposed to be and start embracing who we already are.

We are both brave and scared. Messy and real. Gloriously imperfect and absolutely enough.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring growth or giving up on becoming better—it just means dropping the impossible weight of perfection and allowing ourselves to be works in progress.

The Power of Pausing

When those inner mean girls start their chatter, I’ve learned to pause. To catch the spiral before it takes over. And to actively recruit a different voice—one of self-kindness, even if it feels unnatural in the moment.

Instead of letting my inner critic run wild, I ask myself:

Would I speak to a friend this way?
Is this thought actually true, or is it just an old story?
What’s the kindest thing I can tell myself right now?

And let me tell you, that pause? It changes everything.

Rewriting the Narrative

Here’s what I know to be true:

You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.
You don’t have to do more to deserve love.
You are already enough, exactly as you are.

The journey to self-compassion isn’t about arriving at some perfect place of unshakable confidence. It’s about learning to embrace the contradictions, to sit with discomfort, and to rewrite the old stories that no longer serve us.

So the next time your inner critic starts whispering that you’re not enough, try pausing. Ask yourself what you would say to a friend in the same situation. And then say it to yourself.

Because you deserve it.

Always.